Geelong - 163
Port Adelaide - 44
Sledges given to Port supporters - 12
Beverages consumed - 16
Random manhugs - 22
Things yelled out of car windows - 56
Pubs denied entry - 2
A quiet weekend planned, not much on, the perfect time to get some badly needed housework done. Then Chip turns up on my doorstep at 8pm Friday night.
Hours spent in pubs, clubs and other palaces of debauchery: 28
Hours spent sleeping off the effects of pubs, clubs and other palaces of debauchery: 22
Hours spent doing housework: 0
Not much change from usual, then.
Got roped into a trivia team by a few workmates late last week, and managed to answer several tricky questions:
- What two countries have never lost a World Cup final? (A: England & Uruguay)
- Which country has the taller mountain, Norway or Russia? (A: Russia)
- What was the name of the boy band in the Simpsons? (A: Power Posse)
- How long can I keep drinking with the 18 year-old finance trainee before she drinks me under the table? (A: 5 jugs of beer)
Also, playing poker has come in handy for situations that require a straight face:
Work: So, why were you away on Friday?
Me: Food poisoning
Me: Yep, dodgy chicken
Work: Is that what you're calling it?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about...
Having just moved to a place far more metropolitan than I've ever been in before (well, the competition's not much chop - sorry Echuca), it takes a while to get used to a few of the quirkier elements of city living.
Arrived home from a trip to a sporting event the other night, and found one of the strangest things I've ever experienced...
Someone has pooed on my fence.
I shit you not (bad pun intended).
This has absolutely boggled my poor little brain, and has raised a series of disturbing questions:
- Who shits on a fence?
- Why a fence?
- Why my fence in particular? Is it a 'welcome to the hood' thing?
- What was the thought process that was going on? "Geez, I need to take a quick crap, public toilets are obviously rubbish, bushes just don't cut it, AHA, a fence! Now I can shit in comfort!"
I have now armed myself with Domestos, White King and elbow length rubber gloves. Wish me luck.
Things that have occured since last post:
- Broke up with a girl
- Started a fight akin to a rolling rugby scrum with a government department
- Got a 'prentice
- Got 2 new qualifications
- Got 4000 parking tickets (thank you Geelong Shitty Council)
- Got a girl
- Got a cat
- Lost girl, cat & sanity all in one week
- Launched a coup
- Ceded power from said coup
- Took up poker
- I mean, REALLY took up poker
- Was on the receiving end of an attempted shafting by an IT slavetrader
- Delivered a brutal shafting right back at said IT slavetrader
- Got headhunted by an AFL club (you know the one, you probably hate them)
- Moved to Melbourne, regained sanity (must have had it packed in a box somewhere)
- Watched as former 'prentice did not only my job, but the jobs of two other people (in a manner far more competent than I ever was)
Executive summary: some stuff happened
The weather is starting to warm up, the cricket is on the telly, Christmas decorations are in all the shops. All the signs are there for one of the more joyous times of the IT year: Junket Season.
The invites that get spammed to inboxes worldwide suddenly take on a new atmosphere, an atmosphere of "drinks provided".
Of course, it always helps to have an experienced junketwatcher in these matters to help you sort the wheat from the chaff. Ben's long experience with vendor boozeups makes him something of a drunken Man Friday, navigating through keynotes and Powerpoint slides to the glorious free beverages contained within.
Tis the season to be plastered.
I subscribe to the Bill Hicks School Of Thought, particularly as it relates to Nightclubs, Enjoyment, Lack Thereof. However, every six months or so I forget this, and end up "going out", as the cool kids like to say.
Last Saturday, I went out clubbing in Bendigo. Yeah, great move.
While standing in line to get into the local debauchery palace, a young chick next to me tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "When do you guys leave?"
Feeling puzzled (and slightly drunk), I enquired as to what the hell she was talking about. Turns out the Bendigo Show was on the weekend.
"Doesn't the show leave tomorrow? You guys ARE carnies, right?"
I now know how to enjoy nightclubbing. All I need is diplomatic immunity, and a baseball bat.
Last day for Year 12's today.
First school I am at, ballons strung up on the fence.
Go to the all-girls school, and it was pretty much the same, except substituting g-strings for balloons.
Those crazy kids.
Ah, there's nothing quite like a day at the cricket. Went to Telstra Dome for the second game against the World XI, and fun times were had by all. Well except the bloke sitting in front of us who kept complaining that we were too loud (Mate, it's a bloody cricket game)!
- Missing the train from Geelong, causing me to drive us to the Werribee train station and leave my car there for the weekend (I was amazed I still had tyres, much less a stereo when I came back to get it).
- Ben having a "bit of a chat" with a ticket inspector at Spencer St Station (it's hilarious to watch a Chief Information Officer who runs his own IT business on the side convince someone that they're "just a tourist from the bush who doesn't know anything...)
- The Telstra Dome bar staff watching us, wondering how we're so pissed when we keep walking up to them and saying "three Cokes thanks" (good old hipflask).
- Two Norweigan guys who took us to the pub at the interval and basically bought us half a jug each (I was strugglilng to see in straight lines, much less walk in them).
- Me, post-Norweigan hospitality, thinking I got into a fight 'cause of the blood stains on my shirt (until Ben tasted it and informed me that it was, in fact, jam donut).
- The three of us finding the room where confiscated items are kept, sneaking in and stealing a four foot inflatable penis, which then got punched around the crowd like a beach ball (after some amusing WTF looks on people's faces).
- Pretending to be asleep/passed out on the train ride home, thereby avoiding paying for carriage (and opening the doors at 80Km/h to have a ciggie).
Bring on Boxing Day!
So, having been driving for 9 hours this weekend has prompted me to bite the bullet and buy some kind of entertainment facility for my vehicle, in the form of an MP3 player. Whilst in Albury, Damo and I gave it a quick squizz, and we stopped when we couldn't get the old unit out.
Oh well, I'll just catch up with one of my mechanically-inclined friends in Bendigo, thinks I. Got the wiring done, just gotta drop it in. How hard can it be? It took about 15 minutes on the Gemini...
I now owe Ben 6 hours of his life back.